I've always known that I have a short fuse and to be honest it's never really been a problem. Well until recently anyways. Lately I've found myself being annoyed and agitated more frequently, not sure if people are just rubbing me the wrong way or if I've just been on edge. When I become enraged I have a nasty tendency to say things that I always end up regretting. Sometimes its what I honestly think or feel but sometimes the words are just meant to sting. I don't intend to be vicious and rude but I can't help what comes out of my mouth. That has always been something that I hate about myself; I speak without thinking about the consequences. Maybe that is why I repel people. I don't know I'm just typing my thoughts as they occur. I feel as if I've lost a lot of close friends and truthfully it saddens me. I wish I could say it doesn't bother me, but it does. Now whenever I need someone to talk to, I have no one. My only source of outlet is writing, and although it alleviates my mind, it doesn't replace the comfort and security that friendship can. I don't need a ton of friends I just need a few who I can really trust and rely on. I'm no good when it comes to reaching out, but I am pro when it comes to pushing people away. Reality binds until it crushes you with its weight. I guess the most reasonable thing to do is work on myself first and then seek out other people. I suppose time will tell if I follow my rationality.
-Addy
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